Through Illegal Activities.?
I don’t really know why I am posting this on a public forum. I suppose I want different opinions of why I am the way I am. Maybe other people will relate to me; or find it interesting if they study psychology. It’s a long read, and I aint anything important so don’t view this as a bragging type thing. I just want someone who understands to give me their opinion. I figured a quick summary in a few paragraphs would better paint the picture. Here it goes…
I grew up in a large city, in the poor, industrialized part of town. People are all working class, and you get respect by showing you are a working man. You also got respect if you were a tough guy, or a good athlete. Basically if you’re a man’s, man, you were alright. You didn’t get respect where I came from by having a Bachelor’s, Masters, Ph.D or Doctorates degree. No one gave a damn about that type of stuff. However, some parents wanted more for their kids. They wanted them to pursue academics to get out of this city and do something more rewarding with their lives. My parents were one of them.
My parents ended up divorcing, which made me a different person. I became more introverted. I ended up living in a worse part of town with my mother through the weekdays on a large low income housing estate, surrounded by beat up apartment buildings. I was one of the few white kids, so I had to fight alot the first year I was there. Eventually I made alot of friends and got used to what life is like on a low income estate. Everyone was living off welfare. You were either a poor kid from a broken home(me), or you were an immigrant and your parents couldn’t land a proper job. I never partook in any crime back then as a youngster, even though I seen it everyday. Most of the crime where I was came from Drug dealing, Thieving and Robbing. I remember when I was young, I used to extort money from this one kid from my class who I hated, because his older brother beat me up once. Whenever I seen him walking to the variety store I’d run up on him and make him give me money or I would beat him up. Which is obviously terrible. I did that a few times, and to be honest, I remember getting a buzz out of it. I thought I was a real tough guy. Just around that time, as I was progressively yet slowly getting worse, my mom made a smart move. She moved to the countryside where I would be isolated from that lifestyle. It worked. I ended up not committing anymore crimes through my teenage years, except selling a bit of Marijuana in Highschool. I got average grades, and had alot of friends. I ended up moving back with my dad in the inner city when I was about 18. I ended up working hard in Security for awhile, and as a doorman. By 22, I realized that I aint going anywhere in my life. I couldn’t land a well paying job without a proper education. I decided to go to college, and here I am in my 2nd year of college with 2 more to go. I will most definitely land a proper job when I am done. My schooling is paid for right now, I got a vehicle, I have fun, I got friends… but here is the main point of why I started this whole thread.. Although life is good right now.. I feel like I want more out of life. By that I mean money. I want to buy things.. I want to be the sickest clothes.. a nice car.. I want to have money.. I want to be able to go to university next year and just pay off the tuition in one shot cash, BOOM, done. This is impossible.. I can’t do that without a loan. I don’t want any loans. I want to do it on my own, and not owe anything.
I recently for the last month, been dreaming of doing home invasions of drug dealers in the city with a trustworthy friend I trust with my life. We both, literally came from the same background. Same history, same city, same everything. Known him for 3/4 my life. I know for a fact, if we really tried.. We would make alot of money off these Drug dealing losers in the city. That can be some huge cash.. I could pay off schooling no problem.. have a bit more fun with the extra money that we collect. Its kind of funny I haven’t thought about crime at all for about 10 years… Now I am thinking about the exact same things I thought about as a bloody KID living in that shite hole. Its strange isn’t it. Why would I think like this when life is going so good? Why would I want to risk going to prison when I am on the ‘proper’ track to a good life. Do I miss it? Do I not care about what is right and wrong? Do I get a buzz off of it? I don’t know why.. I even think about mugging people at ATM’s for their account sometimes.. Today It crossed my mind when I left the bank. The parking lot was empty, I just came out of it.. 5AM..Some guy walks into it.. I thought, if I went in their right now, I could empty out his chequing account no damn problem. I’d have at least 500 bucks in my pocket. Clean non-dirty money. By the looks of him he probably had well over 1200$ in his account. That could do a heck of alot for a guy like me. I don’t care or think about
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